Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
