i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
