first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
