Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
