it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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