Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
