I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize