i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
