I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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