hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
