I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
