no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
