I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
