You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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