So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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