Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
