I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
whose parrot is this?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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