i would punch a child for taco bell
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
