I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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