can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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