Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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