Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
