we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
