I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want to have your abortion
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize