end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
