we're blogging at a bar
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
