remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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