quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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