just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
