Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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