farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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