This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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