New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
