Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
