i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
