Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
