that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
