Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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