Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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