I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize