I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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