East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
