i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
