You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
