she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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