you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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