FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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