Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
