well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
