Kiss
Puke
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
