I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
