I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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