After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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