i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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