You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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