Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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