nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
