I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
