I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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