her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
