He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
