kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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