I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize