I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
