i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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