I want to walk on stilts...naked
What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
