um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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