Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
