...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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