I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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