We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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