Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
