Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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