Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
