I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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