I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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