Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
