I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
