Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
