you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
