Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize