I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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