His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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