I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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