I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
