In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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