Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
