You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
