So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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