I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
