Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
