woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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