I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
