i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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