Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
