You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
