Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
