you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
