I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
