this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
