I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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