All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize