Me too!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Randomize
