there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
